i will refrain from making the requisite reciprocal oral-sex joke because i have too much dignity

i officially don’t understand why anyone would keep a diary let alone why they would think the contents of their diary should be published publicly

no i’m not being ironic

i have filled twenty or thirty journals over the years with thoughts poems and stories and i have published a not-insignificant percentage of that output one various online platforms but somehow that feels different than nattering/bitching about the banal happenings of my humdrum life even when said life has been anything but humdrum

from what I can tell the primary difference is that between small minded narcissim and big minded narcissism and this is exactly as pretentious and elitist a thought as you think it is

writing is documentation

publishing is persuasion or at least the proclamation that i have something to say and some meaninful reason why you should read it

the minutiae of my life are simply not that meaningful to anyone but me and mean nothing to you nor should they nor should you interest yourself in them because it has nothing to do with you

my wanting you to know about the boring details of my boring life ¹ is a sign only of my conceited belief that my life matters to the extent that it needs to be documented and published and that other people need to know about it

it is a desperate plea for attention and validation from strangers as if that will actually make me feel better about myself

people who become famous and successful off the back of their blogs rarely grow out of this grandiose conceit

the confidence they build as a result of continuous praise and validation is hollow and fragile and not really any kind of confidence at all and is productive only in convince others to do the same

this creates a swirling vortex of lonely narcissists all basically jerking off in public which is now literally the whole of the internet and it sucks completely and totally

i don’t know what to tell you except that publishing your daily/montly diary is lame and conceited and grandiose and you shouldn’t do it

i don’t actually↩︎